A reckless 23

Mom and I have not slept so well for few days. She spent the predawn hours searching and making lists while I hung out on the couch, trying not to pay much attention to that. I had enough of job hunting already- including few rejections due to age requirements. “Here we go”, Mom said in a hopeful tone, clicking all the vacancies ads related to me (lorry driver was on the list too, SMH) Sometimes I wonder if my whole life would end up this way: me waiting in the shadows, waiting for the light shining on me like the highlighted scene on the stage so I could feel important. Waiting for someone else to help me to make it happen, those amazing and different things I chase for. I’ve been in this position for quite a long time, floating along without much direction or conscious thought. Hunting and seeking. Realistically speaking it’s reckless. What if one day I was left unnoticed? Slowly forgotten? I look at my mother, deep lines in her forehead.” Mom I hate you… for being old”.Chill, that's just a statement evaporated from my frustration for being a useless daughter. How can I blame her for being old? Silly. Mom I love you but I’m not going to make any promises to you. For now, whatever life is saying, I’m listening.